I love you and miss you / Stephanie (sister)Read >>
I love you and miss you / Stephanie (sister)
Jimmy,
I have been so busy working on the house and spending time with the boys that I haven't had much time to spend on your site. I am so sorry. This is where I come when I want to feel close to you. It's the only place that I can come to pay my respects to you. I know that you know that no matter where I am, you are with me. You live within my heart and I can't ever imagine a day when I don't think of you and wish that you were here.
Mom called yesterday to tell me that we have received a letter from the family of the man that received your liver. It was a very nice letter and we are so proud to know that your liver has allowed this man to live many more years and enjoy his son. I know that it's what you would have wanted. I found it funny that we would hear from the person that received your liver first though. You always worried about taking care of your liver; making sure that whatever you took wouldn't harm it. That was my first thought when I heard that we had received a letter.
Jimmy, it's so hard to accept that you are gone and that we'll never see you again, on this side of Heaven. There are days, like today, that it's just too painful to even think about. I refuse to think of you in the past tense. I can't, because you're still here with me. There are certain people that tend to make all of this a little more difficult and I am having a really hard time with that. I know that I shouldn't allow it to get to me and you'd be the first to tell me that I am too sensitive. I just wish that this particular person would put herself in my shoes. If she lost her only brother, she certainly wouldn't want to be excluded from anything, like she isn't worthy. Enough about that! I'm just venting as I always have and honestly the silence on your end is appropriate for once. You were good at listening while at the same time looking at me like I'm crazy. You never said a word. I'm trying to learn from you. I've learned that in order to keep my mouth shut I have to distance myself. It seems to help in some ways.
I sure wish that I could pick up a phone and chat with you about all of these things. It's just not fair that I can't. I am so thankful for the time that I did have you here though.
I'll love you forever and miss you always, Me Close
I've tried so hard to be happy that you are in a better place and for the most part, I think that I do pretty well. I've found that life must go on and that nothing that I do will bring you back and there was nothing at all that I could have done to save you. There are many days that I can smile and enjoy life but it's always bittersweet. There is not a thing that we do that will ever bring complete peace. We love you so much that there is no way to live the rest of our lives without feeling incomplete. It's the simplest things that sometimes hurt the most.
Trevor got a call the other day from someone that he buys maps from for the company. Because work has been so slow and he's stopped hiring, he hasn't needed maps. The guy was calling to be sure that he hadn't lost his business altogether. When Trevor explained that he just didn't need anything, the guy asked him to stop by because he misses his smile. When Trevor hung up the phone he told me about the conversation and how his first thought was of you and how he misses your smile. I know the feeling. Your crooked, one of a kind, beautiful smile is something that I am sure so many of us miss.
There are so many things that make me miss you but I have to tell you, seeing the ones that I love hurting is what hurts the most. I know how deep this pain is and I hate that anyone else has to feel it.
Almitra is pregnant and due to have the baby in July. It's giving me something positive to focus on. I am so happy that she is having this baby. I had to open a Fedex account to ship all of the stuff that I've been buying. You know me. I can hear you grumbling now. It makes me smile. I know that you and her mom must be sharing stories about the two of us. It's strange that Almitra and I have always been so close and that we would both lose someone that we love so much so close together. It's been nice to have someone that somewhat understands. I'll never know why it happened the way that it did. It just stinks.
Well, I guess it's time for me to get ready for bed. Visit me in my dreams. I'll love you forever and miss you always.
Thank you Stephanie for being such a dear friend to me and our Angel. You and Jimmy will be forever locked in my heart. God bless you and your family always. love and prayers, Rosemary
How is it that you were here one minute and now you're gone forever? I've found that I've learned to move forward without you but I don't get very far. It's this never ending circle that brings me back to looking for you. I'm so lost without my baby brother. I look at everything differently. I'm not the same person that I once was. I just want you to come back. We would find a way to fix this broken family together. Jimmy, we're all so hurt.
The boys miss you so much. Chase has really become a good painter. He took my breath away when he brought out a canvas on Friday. He had painted a picture of you in the canoe on the canal behind our house. He stayed up all night working on it. Jimmy, he loves you so much. I know how much it hurts and I wish that I could make it all better for him. I know how it feels to want your Mom to make it all better but it's just not going to happen this time.
We all thought of you last night as we watched the Superbowl. You would have loved watching the Colts win. Trevor asked me as we were going to bed if I thought that you could watch the game from Heaven. I'm sure that if you could, you'd be right there next to Dungy's son, rooting them on. It was a great game.
Time just drags on without you. I pray that God gives me the Grace to live the rest of my days without you because it sure is hard. I love you so much. You'll always be my baby brother.
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